Longing to Belong

Feeling valued and needed is what makes us feel like we matter. Makes us feel worthy. All squishy inside. We watch our kids as they struggle with social awkwardness: phones that never ring, invitations that never come…it’s nothing short of heartbreaking. We watch as our kids try very inventive ways to get the attention of others. We watch them try to achieve the feeling of belonging and friendship and when the friendship is not returned, we feel that pit in our stomach when we see the look of rejection on their face. So what are we to do? How do we as parents help them connect and fit in? We never give up. We keep trying by giving our kids opportunities to participate in activities that may be out of the mainstream. Kids with social challenges aren’t usually captains of the football team. Sign them up for scouting, bowling, fencing, karate, drama, fishing, or yodeling. Keep searching until you find where they fit in or create a club of your own with what they like. Have a game night at your house and invite kids over. Set up a Wii bowling tournament or have Heroica night. Take what they love and turn it into a social opportunity. Your kid’s friends are out there somewhere. You just need to keep searching until you find them. And when you find them, you will find connectedness, self-esteem, contentment, laughter, understanding and that wonderful squishy feeling of being liked for who you are.

Simply Swinging

Who knew that watching a 6 year old boy simply swinging on the swings at recess could be so heartwarming and exciting?  It is when that same boy’s anxiety prevented him from playing at recess for the whole year.  Only in the last month of school did he even start to sit on the swing.  The rest of the year he would wander around the play yard, near the doorway, keeping track of the time so he would know when recess ended.  He worries.  He worries that he’ll be bumped.  He worries that he’ll get hurt and have to see the nurse, or worse, a doctor.  He worries that another child will do something to him that he doesn’t like.  He worries that he will be expected to speak.  But today, he had the most contented look on his face while swinging.  He didn’t look worried at all.  As I watched, a group of 7 noisy girls make a move toward the swing and I thought, “Here we go.  Once they come over, his solitude will be shattered and the worry will come back”.  But, no.  He stopped, looked at them, kicked his legs, smiled and began swinging again.

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Respect, The New R-Word

Kudos to the Crisafulli School in Westford, MA for raising awareness to Spread the Word to End the Word!  The 3rd -5th grade school kicked off the program with an assembly that showed video clips from www.r-word.org and the principal of the school, Julie Vincentsen, taught the children how words frame the way we think and act.  The message was clear to respect and accept others.  All the students were given two green paper hand prints with the pledge “I pledge to work to eliminate the r-word from my vocabulary”.  The students signed the pledge and had the option of discussing the pledge with family or friends and asking them to take the pledge as well.  The photo of the Peace Tree shows the many green hand prints/pledges from the event.  Each student who took the pledge, received a wrist band with “SPREAD THE WORD TO END THE WORD” imprinted on it.  The wrist band is a reminder to stop use of offensive words and to prompt further conversation.  Suggest a similar campaign in your child’s school.  See www.r-word.org for ideas, video clips and materials to support a program to SPREAD THE WORD TO END THE WORD.  Many thanks to all schools who support this effort of acceptance.

Welcome to the Social Smart Kids Blog

Welcome! Social Smart Kids is excited to make new friends in the blogosphere!  I love to hear from those who are interested in helping kids with social challenges.  It makes my heart happy when kids are hanging out together and enjoying life!  I hope that you will share your stories – talk about those friendless days (we’ve all been there), share how you helped a child socialize, ideas for social opportunity and certainly tell us when your child has been a good friend.  We’re all in this together!